Saturday, July 10, 2010

You Talking To Me...?

We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological excuses. We never ejaculate prematurely. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. When we buy a vibrator its glamorous, when men buy a blow-up doll its pathetic. We can be groupies, male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. Men die earlier, so we can cash in on the life insurance. We don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance. Free drinking. Free dinners. Free moving (you get the point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay. We know the truth about whether size matters. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease of life. If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're NOT the devil. Condoms make no significant difference to our enjoyment of sex. We can sleep our way to the top. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we cheat on our spouse people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. If we forget to shave, no-one has to know. We never have to reach down there every so often to make sure our privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people still find us cute. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.

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