Sunday, July 18, 2010

Just Laugh!

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an extremely attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there,' ..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants ' After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my severalgarages; I have a beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.'

Is Your Jar Full?
When things in your life seem almost to much to handle, when 24 hours in aday are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar......and the beer. A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in frontof him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large andempty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He thenasked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.So the Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into thejar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areasbetween the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar wasfull. They agreed it was.The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Ofcourse, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jarwas full. The students responded with an unanimous "Yes."The Professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table andpoured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the emptyspace between the sand. The students laughed."Now," said the Professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you torecognize that this jar represents your life.The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, yourhealth, your friends, your favorite passions - things that if everythingelse was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff.""If you put the sand into the jar first", he continued, "there is no roomfor the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend allyour time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for thethings that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that arecritical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to getmedical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. Therewill always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care ofthe golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities.The rest is just sand."When he had finished, there was a profound silence. Then one of thestudents raised her hand and with a puzzled expression, inquired what thebeer represented.The Professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that nomatter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple ofbeers."

The truck driver stopped to pick up a young-lady hitchhiker who was wearing very short shorts."What's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up into the truck."It's Snow -- Roy Snow," he answered, "and yours?""Me, I'm June Hansen," she said."Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?" she challenged the trucker a few miles down the road."Oh, I was just thinkin' what it might be like," he drawled, "to have eight inches of Snow in June!"

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