The Four Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

The questions are: What are you thinking about? Do you love me? Do I look fat? Do you think she is prettier than me? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: Baseball. Football. How fat you are. How much prettier she is than you. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: I suppose so. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? That depends on what you mean by love. Does it matter? Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: Compared to what? I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. A little extra weight looks good on you. I've seen fatter. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: Yes, but you have a better personality Not prettier, but definitely thinner Not as pretty as you, when you were her age Define 'pretty' Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.