Three More Funnies

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back
Into the world.

Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, 'Mom I have someone for you to
Meet.'
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks. He asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont .
Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, 'Why the black panties?'

She replied: 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.'He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same -- she stood there wearing the black
Panties, and he was in his birthday suit -- but now he was wearing a black
Condom .

She looked at him and asked: 'What's with the black condom?'
He replied, 'I Want to offer my deepest condolences.'

PURE WIFE

There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A cock". He is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well. A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says "A pee-pee" He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock." She laughs and says "No it's not; a cock is ten inches long and black!!!"

Pub Stakeout
The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk. The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car. Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes. Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.

Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away. Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing. The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed. When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?" To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."